This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 9th, 2008 at 4:22 PM and is filed under Ala Bygbaby. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
Feeling lost in a bunch of personal decisions that are on my mind that are making it hard to cope. My life is good but not where I want it to be.
The things that make me strong are also the things that make me weak. Can I let it go or do I wade through the muddy waters of despair, disappointment & disenchantment.
This weird sense of loneliness is not helping.
In a meeting today, I had a day dream of being in forest alone with nothing but my thoughts & a way to make the loneliness go away. The leaves on the ground were a beautiful fall yellow but by the time the dream was over, the leaves that surrounded me were red, burgundy and weighted down by what once was.
This was a very dangerous day dream that brought a tear to my minds eye & I was happy to emerge from it to finish the broccoli quiche that was before me.
There are many things that I treasure, but I yet know the value.
I miss me, I wish for me, what is wrong with me.
December 9th, 2008 at 7:13 PM
nothing’s wrong with you
hang in there … with any luck this will pass
sometimes we just have to breathe through the experience
December 9th, 2008 at 10:34 PM
I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. Sometimes life gets in the way of living and we have to wade through it all to find ourselves again on the other side.
I hope things start to look brighter soon…
December 9th, 2008 at 10:38 PM
There really is something happening right now and a lot of people are feeling like you do. Just know that you aren’t alone and the grass will be greener on the other side. (So they tell me :)
December 10th, 2008 at 4:06 AM
Good mind blowing sex is all u need. Go bang the hell outta Suite Suzy! You’ll be back to normal in no time.
December 10th, 2008 at 4:29 PM
that why i live in the country so i dont have to dream
December 10th, 2008 at 7:16 PM
Don’t worry Boo…you are Tafari, strong and on the path you should be….as one of your readers whose day you brighten constantly, know even if you don’t trust your decisions completely your wacky readers trust you know best…I believe in you….(((HUGS)))
….just me…daez
December 11th, 2008 at 1:57 AM
Sounds like you are hitting a spiritual crisis which only helps to promote growth. It takes valleys to reach peaks. What you wrote was beautiful and quite insightful. You are artistic so I am sure the answer you seek will find its way to you through some artistic medium. For now just be still and listen to your inner voice.
Blessings!
December 11th, 2008 at 7:47 PM
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it: “LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.”
The LORD replied: “My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
Walk with the Lord, he will never disappoint you or desert you…
December 12th, 2008 at 6:41 PM
I hear you. I’m often in the same place these days. It feels like winter internally.
December 14th, 2008 at 2:35 AM
Welcome to the other side of manhood, T’Far-Eye. Several old men I consider as mentors have said a similar sentiment over and over again: one day, you have to face yourself if you’ll ever be yourself full-time. The sista above who mentioned that lots of people are feeling this way is right; rough economy and nationwide uncertainty bring this kind of introspective mood along like a strong hawk through the Chi. Don’t fret it, bruh. You’ll grow from it. We’re loneliest when we need to face ourselves. The best way to shake it is to face yourself right now, this moment.
God bless, and know that you’re in a group of millions right now…
December 14th, 2008 at 5:08 AM
Sorry that I have not commented on your comments to date but I have been reading.
This post was really personal, more personal that normal. I just cannot go any further with comments so that I can keep moving forward & past the events that caused me to pen this.
I do thank you all for being their for you boo/boy. I do so much.
And Daez, I heard your voice as I read your comment. You know how that made me feel.
~ Tafari is a complicated nigga!
December 14th, 2008 at 6:07 PM
There’s nothing wrong with you. Being a thinker, it’s natural to go through periods of intense self-reflection. You couldn’t be deep if every day were sunny.
Now that you’ve seen two parts of the same forest, you can decide which you prefer to inhabit.
December 15th, 2008 at 12:46 PM
Hi Tafari, just found your nice blog. That being said, everyone I’ve known who is the least bit reflective and honest has expressed feelings of loneliness… even in a crowd or surrounded by loved ones at times. It’s so normal. Hang in there.
~ Kit
December 27th, 2008 at 7:24 PM
Hey T.
You probably feel better by now after NYC, but I agree with Toni and Brunsli–lots of people are feeling the same way these days, including me.
Try to stay as positive as you can, and know that the feeling will pass.