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Last Day of Our Acquaintance

Author: Tafari, Monday, February 4th, 2013 at 8:54 PM Mindspill

The summer of 1990, I visited my father for the summer. It was nothing especially interesting about that visit but I enjoyed my time with him as always. During that visit, we listened to a lot of music. He was sort of an inspiration to explore different music. During the course of the summer, I played his Sinéad O’Connor “I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got” album to death. I found it funny that my father 40 year old something enjoyed the music of some bald headed Irish chick. I loved many of the songs from the album, especially “You Cause as Much Sorrow.” Days after my father died, I played this album and reminisced. The other song that I love is “The Last Day of Our Acquaintance.” I never really understood the song but at the same time I did. It’s just so damn sad. Last week, I listened to the song after I left the last “supervised visit” that I had with my youngest daughter, Amelia. Parting was very sorrowful but necessary. I attended these visits for four months. The first one was great but the following meetings were the stuff of parental nightmares. Before walking away from the emotional torment, I told her that I loved her, will always love her and will be there when she is ready to talk and reconnect in a meaningful way. She told me that she never wanted to see me again. I told her that was impossible. Every time you look in the mirror, you will see me. My eyes, my nose, my lips, my ears and my skin. You are me… Unfortunately, I had the same conversation with her older sister Olivia months ago. A tough decision for sure and something I would not wish on anyone. Although the decision was a tough one, I’m OK. I experience so much hurt last year that I have none left to give. Bad and good. Experiencing the last day of seeing your child’s face is just. Now, I’m a single guy with 2 daughters out there floating around who get a child support check, no love, no connection. Blah… A nigga tried.

8 Responses to “Last Day of Our Acquaintance”

  1. peacefulgrve Says:

    You will be better than okay…they will grow and you will be there for them as you told them you would. Whether they like it or not…whether they come or not. You will always be there. hugs to you.

    yeah this song is sad…

  2. Maya Says:

    That makes me so sad, Tafari. I know that when I was a child, I wished for my father to care enough to come find me. I can’t imagine telling him I didn’t want to see him. It sucks growing up without your dad. It’s even harder to watch him parent the kids he has now. I found him when I was 24. We know each other, see each other at Christmas, but I wouldn’t call it the relationship I wanted. Second wife sees to that.

    I hope Amelia gets past her feelings of betrayal or the poisoning of her heart against you. A girl needs her dad just as much as a boy does.

  3. Di Says:

    Never give up. We girls can be emotional and say things out of anger because we are sad and hurt. Always try, either by phone, email, or mail….the father is the one who is our blueprint for future relationships. They are the one to show us how to be treated. Girls need to know men who will stand by them regardless of the situation so they won’t be with men who think of them as disposable and believe it is ok. Stay strong and faithful, at least you know you will have done it and show that you tried. It is a cycle that can be broken, especially in our race.

  4. mofunk Says:

    I hope this ends soon. Your girls need their father. You need your daughters. Kids around this age are trying to find themselves socially and emotionally it will takes some time for them to clear their thoughts and to heal from this change. Time will heal and you will be back in your daughters hearts again.

  5. Shana Says:

    Reading this brought tears to my eyes. It is very sad how children are allowed to make “gown-up” decisions that will affect them for a lifetime. This decision that these young girls are allowed to make today is time lost that they can “never” get back. Fathers have a unique position of influence over their children’s lives which greatly affects the women that these girls will become. I am so sorry that my brother has to experience such humility and disrespect. This is how the black race continues to be statistics in society. Stay positive and you are right, THEY ARE YOU AS YOU ARE THEM. This is only a season. Love you.

  6. Stella Says:

    I will say to you, the words that my mother always told me. Things have a way of working themselves out. I love you.

  7. CC Says:

    Aww friend:( I usually never read blogs but today I stopped and read yours. My heart is full of sorrow for you because I know how much you love your girls…When all is said and done, they will remember how much you loved them as well. Sometimes kids are just blinded by the adult foolishness….

  8. TheBrownBlogger Says:

    It gets better in the end. If it ain’t the end, then it isn’t over. I know you will always be right there, and in the end…

    You already know. Hold on Brother…

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