The summer of 1990, I visited my father for the summer. It was nothing especially interesting about that visit but I enjoyed my time with him as always.
During that visit, we listened to a lot of music. He was sort of an inspiration to explore different music. During the course of the summer, I played his Sinéad O’Connor “I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got” album to death.
I found it funny that my father 40 year old something enjoyed the music of some bald headed Irish chick.
I loved many of the songs from the album, especially “You Cause as Much Sorrow.” Days after my father died, I played this album and reminisced.
The other song that I love is “The Last Day of Our Acquaintance.” I never really understood the song but at the same time I did. It’s just so damn sad.
Last week, I listened to the song after I left the last “supervised visit” that I had with my youngest daughter, Amelia.
Parting was very sorrowful but necessary. I attended these visits for four months. The first one was great but the following meetings were the stuff of parental nightmares.
Before walking away from the emotional torment, I told her that I loved her, will always love her and will be there when she is ready to talk and reconnect in a meaningful way.
She told me that she never wanted to see me again. I told her that was impossible. Every time you look in the mirror, you will see me. My eyes, my nose, my lips, my ears and my skin. You are me…
Unfortunately, I had the same conversation with her older sister Olivia months ago.
A tough decision for sure and something I would not wish on anyone. Although the decision was a tough one, I’m OK. I experience so much hurt last year that I have none left to give. Bad and good.
Experiencing the last day of seeing your child’s face is just.
Now, I’m a single guy with 2 daughters out there floating around who get a child support check, no love, no connection. Blah… A nigga tried.