2012 was a bitch & my boo at the same damn time! Here are my top 10 highlights:

• Hearing my sweet baby Amelia tell me that she missed & loved me after not seeing each other for 8 months.
• Finalization of my divorce & My EPIC "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" divorce party.
• College graduation & party. The party & the morning after was some of the sexiest shit ever.
• My trip to Los Angeles: Having Lunch with my boo, Los Angelista at the La Brea Tar Pits: Having lunch with my boo, Ayanna at the Getty, Brunching with my boo, Thembi at Taste, Riding around & getting it with my niggas, Marcel & Asia, ya bish & of course the LA Sip & See at Lola's with all of my west coast family...
• Traipsing around Brooklyn with Cousin Dee & landing in Hotel Delano.
• Listening to Kendrick Lamar's "Good Kid, M.A.A.D City" album for the 1st time.
• Making the New York Times Style section.
• My parrot, Tongi laying 4 eggs.
• Being surrounded by love & support from my great friends and family.
• Re-connecting with my big cousin Danny.

Hit up my favorite portraits from the year..... [gallery columns="3" ids="5679,5680,5681,5682,5683,5678,5684,5687,5685,5686" orderby="rand"]

After several months of tears, investigations, drama, lies, bitch moves and more, I'm so happy to say that my divorce is final. Walking out of the courthouse today, I so jumped up & did a mid air kick, while sing my theme song. I'm a free man with 99 problems and a... you know the rest! There were some good times for sure but it was all balanced with more than enough bad times. It was a long and eventually soul-draining learning experience that contained very little positivity. Now, it's time for some healing, working on repairing the collateral damage & mapping course for my next set of adventures.

11 years ago, I got a call from my mother that changed my life. She called to tell me that my father, R.L. Howard died. I was crushed. Devastated. Confused. Fucked up! Although many years have passed, it still feels like yesterday. I still get the urge to dial his number. I still imagine him calling me to talk "stuff." Even being practically 40, I still need my father. Usually on this day, I am emotionally unsteady, but today, I’m feeling great. Weekend plans have partially diverted my attention. Life continues...

This morning, I was working from home and just thinking about STUFF. I’m not sure where my mood was but I think I was feeling OK. Just OK. Then out of the clear blue, my aunt sends me a random text message that said “Three Times a Lady” and attached was a photo of my grandmother whom everyone called Mommie. After seeing Mommie’s photo, I felt energized. Happy. Inspired. Reminiscent. Mommie always made me laugh, always told me that I was the best & always beat my ass when I got out of line. Mommie was and still is everything in my life. She is the center of my creative world. She is my MUSE!

On this day last week at this time, I was sitting in my new space reflecting on the move that I made. A move that I NEVER imagined that I would ever make had you asked me 1 year ago but here I am. Almost single; wondering when I will see my daughters, wondering how they are doing, feeling, acting. Today, a week after I left a world that was destroying me, I am feeling fine, OK, grounded in the belief that this overall drama will pass. Knowing that my babies love me, miss me…. As I feel for them. The dissolving of a family is tough shit & it’s a great thing to have tons of friends and family here to get through this process. On a positive note, I feel like I have wings now. I grew a little stronger. The seeds of poison, disgust and envy no longer shadow my every breath or affect my being. Interestingly enough, I did not realize how intense my situation was until I stepped outside of it for a few days and reflected then realized that happiness, comfort, peace & satisfaction does exist. I will continue to believe in love, family, the black man, woman and child but now I have a different lens in which to view that from. A shattered lens making things seem like some kind of kaleidoscope. I don’t know. Maybe I’m silly…. There is so much more that I want to say here but I just cant, however getting this out was a relief. Whatever the case;. Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about me. Baby! Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about me. Baby! Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about me. Baby! I’m alright & I’m a human being dammit.

This whole divorce process has been a bitch to say the least. Emotional highs and lows, mental highs and lows, energy highs and lows and everything in between. Many nights, I felt like Leaving This Planet. Not in ways that are dismal or literal but I needed an escape. A spaceship. A hovercraft. A friendly alien to help me get into a space where I was safe from a crushing perceived reality. For the longest, Kaye West's song “Spaceship” was my theme song for so many reasons. Then I heard Mark de Clive-Lowe's “Leaving this Planet” (vocals by Sharlene Hector) and I started crying (not like a bitch but close). This was some time in the spring of 2011 when my world started to experience change. Sometimes, I would listen to “Leaving this Planet” on auto play repeat like I was the Rain Man or something. It calmed me. Made me wish. Made me……. This evening while driving home, I was reflecting on the events of my day and “Leaving this Planet” came on the iPod. At the moment, I started driving a little slower to enjoy the 4:47 minutes of happiness that the song brings me. Like most, I can use music as a marker for many events in my life. A life soundtrack if you will…. As time is passing, I’m only getting stronger. -------------------------------------------------------- Mark de Clive-Lowe - Leaving this Planet [audio http://mindspill.bygbaby.com/music/MarkdeClive-Lowe-LeavingthisPlanet.mp3|width=250|titles=Leaving this Planet|artists= Mark de Clive-Lowe]

10 years ago, I met Cole Jordan and he helped me to get back in school to complete my baccalaureate. Since then, he & his wife Diane have been like parents. Today, I learned that he has been a fugitive for the past 40+ years and is now in jail in California.  I am beyond shocked & devastated as I sit in my office trying not to cry. I called Diane, the woman that introduced me to Toni Morrison (not the person but the literature) and we comforted each other. I needed to hear her voice and know that she was OK. For the longest, Cole & I have been planning on getting a coffee to catch up but our busy lives made that meeting not happen. Now, I’m sitting here wishing that it did. It’s always after the fact…. The fact that Cole turned himself into the authorities speaks volumes to me! I know Cole to be a man of integrity, love, honesty, style, education advocate and most of all, a friend who personifies what a Black man should be. I have to wrap my head around this. I really do. I feel for Cole, Diane, and their sons, my brothers from another mother. I don’t know the facts of the case that got Cole to this point. I don’t know what led to whatever but I have to say that it does sound pretty bad ass. I’m just saying. To get the backstory, check here. I read it 4 times and still like, just like.... Photo Credit: Michael Macor / San Francisco Chronicle

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Flash forward>>>>>>>>>>>>

I’ve read the book & it filled in all of the holes that I knew were missing and I was satisfied knowing the complicated back-stories of Precious’ friends, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal. Rx free Starlix, One thing that stuck with me through the book was this passage from chapter 1:

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Flash forward one mo’ gin’ (Negro Dialect)>>>>>>>>>>>>

This past Monday I attended a MLK symposium talk sponsored by the University of Michigan titled “Push, Literacy, Women, and African American Literature” given by poet & novelist Sapphire.

Sapphire coming to town was too much like right. While at the talk, I planned on getting my book autographed & asking some of the pressing questions on my mind regarding the movie & book.

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I wish I could have asked my 3rd question regarding the content on 111 para 4. I just wanted to be sure that what I read was what I read & not what I was thinking it was.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

A few of my Tweets from the Talk:

• I'm at the Sapphire lecture & the hall is almost at standing room only. Wow. http://twitpic.com/yoj1t http://twitpic.com/yoj1h


• Sapphire is reading from "Push." I'm loving this!


• BUY Starlix ONLINE WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION, White people are leaving the Sapphire's talk. I guess they cannot handle her reading from "Push." Interesting!


• Standing in line to ask Sapphire a question. http://twitpic.com/yow8y


• I actually talked with Sapphire. Posting audio later. I'm excited!!!!


• Sapphire just read this woman who tried to read her. Shit!!!


• Male rape victim now at the mic talking to Sapphire, BUY Starlix ONLINE WITHOUT PRESCRIPTION. Wow!


• The line was way too long to get my book signed by Sapphire but I was able to get a photo. Yes. http://twitpic.com/yp4kx

Did you see the movie, read the book or both. What are your thoughts.

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• 1st Did the dumb hoe recording this think it was that funny?
• 2nd Looks like the momma is more interested in proving a point rather than combing the poor girls hair.
• 3rd If the child is that crazy a quick pop to the back of the head with a brush usually does the trick, buy no prescription Proscar online. Proscar over the counter, There is no need to get fucking crazy like an out of control animal.
• 4th Now that this video has been viewed at least 40k times, can child protective services go check the welfare of the children in this home?
• 5th This is case book study of child abuse.
• 6th Some women really need to be chemically sterilized, where can i find Proscar online, Real brand Proscar online, fuck the genocide argument.
• 7th Shouldn’t Youtube step up & report the mother/video poster & take down the video?
• 8th I still cannot believe that the momma said “come on sit the fuck down and let me comb this hair” all while the video recorder laughs like a dumb ass.
• 9th Did the little girl really say I hate you. What the hell else is going on in this home?
• 10th I would ask where the father is but I think the answer is already clear.

I’m just saying!

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