“Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wife, and Hide Yo Husband Cuz Dey Rapin’ Errybody Out Here.” Antoine Dodson

I will not confess to loving Judge Joe Brown, however if I did, this video would be a great representation why.

I’m still laughing at how Judge Joe Brown broke the photographer down with her entry-level equipment. Classic!!!!

Entry level camera, slow kit lenses, Walmart prints & a lack of planning sealed the deal for a bad job in this case.

And whatever happened to customer service?

New photographers – Be cautious with how you present yourself & services. Having a camera doesn’t make you a professional. Skill, knowledge, abilities, & practice go a long way.

Brides – Sometimes you get what you pay for. Ask for samples, referrals etc! I’m just saying.

Judge Joe Brown – You are the man! And next time you’re in Detroit, lets go out shooting.

Watching this abuse really infuriates me to no end! As you can imagine or should know, I’m not into violence against woman, but I want to slap the shit out of this baby momma.

• 1st Did the dumb hoe recording this think it was that funny?
• 2nd Looks like the momma is more interested in proving a point rather than combing the poor girls hair.
• 3rd If the child is that crazy a quick pop to the back of the head with a brush usually does the trick. There is no need to get fucking crazy like an out of control animal.
• 4th Now that this video has been viewed at least 40k times, can child protective services go check the welfare of the children in this home?
• 5th This is case book study of child abuse.
• 6th Some women really need to be chemically sterilized, fuck the genocide argument.
• 7th Shouldn’t Youtube step up & report the mother/video poster & take down the video?
• 8th I still cannot believe that the momma said “come on sit the fuck down and let me comb this hair” all while the video recorder laughs like a dumb ass.
• 9th Did the little girl really say I hate you? What the hell else is going on in this home?
• 10th I would ask where the father is but I think the answer is already clear.

I’m just saying!

I’m not ashamed to admit that the entertainment highlight of my week last week was the season 2 1st episode of Bravo’s “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.” Hey we all have our vices, so don’t judge me.

The show was pretty much drama free & somewhat boring until those last 10 minutes of the show when broke ass stringy haired Sheree jumped off with Atlanta “TOP LEVEL EXECUTIVE” party planner Anthony.

I mean, this scene fucking came out of nowhere & set the Negro world of Twitter on fire (I’m always in Twitter). I wont go into the details of the fight because I’m sure that you’ve seen it already. I will however tell you my favorite quips from the battle of the DIVAs:

- I’m a top level executive & I expect you to respect my time
- Google my name & do my resume?
- Who you gone check boo?
- You OK???
- I eat bitches like you every day!
- Eat me baby!
- Yo momma is a broke bitch!

This damn fight happened so fast & I was so shocked that I had to watch that shit 3 times before I went to bed & each time was funnier than the 1st.

With that said, I have been using quotes from the fight ever since, especially “who gone check me boo.” The way Sheree said that shit & the look on both of their faces was fucking classic!

I’ve also been running “Google my name & do my resume” into the ground. So much so that I received threats if I don’t stop saying these lines. I won’t name names but she reads a lot & lives in ATL.

So now that I’m totally hooked on this season, I’m dying to see what happens tonight!

Before I part this bitch, you must check this out! Its taking the “who you gone check boo?” line to a whole new level!

My name is Tafari & I love some hot mess!

I spotted this video over on The Prisoner’s Wife blog & just had to post it here. It’s way too funny not to. This guy really has skills!

It is no secret that I am not a reader. If it’s more than 3 paragraphs long, to the bottom of the priority list it goes. Well this is all beside the point.

So lately, I’ve been getting a lot of press releases, & other communiqués making me feel like I’m somebody or something.

My latest release came from Sharon P. Carson, the author of “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” Yes this is the same title of comedian Steve Harvey’s new book.

Sharon alleges that Steve bit her style more than a little bit & is making a dime off of her original work.

Here’s what she had to say:

“Chicago, Ill. April 5, 2009 — Author Sharon P. Carson of Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, says the Steve Harvey’s book of the same name is a misrepresented take on her original work.  Carson, who is pursuing her rights under unfair competition laws, secured a copyright for the title in 2004, and then established www.actlikealadythinklikeaman.com.

Harvey’s book, published in January of this year, copies the title and theme of her work, says Carson, and takes some of her authentic thoughts and conclusions and contorts them into a detrimental message for women.  Carson says his approach is a distorted view of her original vision.

Carson says her self-published book was written, “To encourage women to accept and appreciate who they are both inside and out and to respect themselves and demand respect from their male counter part.”  She also felt women need to be as tough minded as men are in relationships, which is how she created the title, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.

Harvey has stated the title for his book came through an editor, but originally contained the word “girl” instead of “lady,” a substitution for which he takes credit.

An excerpt from Carson’s book discusses the unnecessary concept of women changing themselves physically for their partner: “Why should women become someone they hate in order to please someone they think they love?  What if the relationship ends, will they have to change again to please the next man?”

An excerpt from Harvey’s book, on p. 207, mirrors Carson’s point: “But if you’re telling your man you want a nose job and he sees nothing wrong with the nose you already have then maybe you ought to think about leaving your nose alone.  Why run the risk of something going wrong when your man is already happy with the way you look?  Why lose the extra weight if your man is happy with you the way you are?”

In addition to reworking her original ideas, Carson objects to the anti-empowerment message of Harvey’s take on a successful woman, per p. 182: “If you’ve got your own money, your own car, your own house, a Brinks alarm system, a pistol and a guard dog and your practically shouting from the roof that you don’t need a man to provide for you or protect you, then we will see no need to keep coming around.”

Carson asks, “How does this message empower us as women?  Should we prepare for success so that we can provide and protect ourselves or should we forgo that and wait for a man come along and do it for us?”

While Carson is looking into protecting her own rights as an author, she also is concerned about getting her message out there—that women are their own authority, they are complete with, or without, a man.

Fans of Carson’s book frequently react with praise and the desire to pass on the book’s message.  One reader writes, “You were right ON point w/this book! I learned these things the hard way, but I am gonna give a copy to my daughters to read! And your insights really helped me build more effectively with my son! Thank you!”

For more information about Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, contact Sharon Carson or visit www.actlikealadythinklikeaman.com….”

After letting this marinate a bit, I did some digging through the afrosphere, I found many sites exposing this story & calling Steve out for his piece of literary pilferage.

I’m sure you wont be surprised when I say that I cannot stand Steve Harvey. I find him to be crass, not funny & he has the worst dentures in America. On the flip side, I was insanely jealous of his tapered Afro cuz that shut was sharp!

Have you heard about this story, what are your thoughts? Have you read Sharon’s work?

I peed on myself a little bit laughing at this my nigga! Ain;t nothing like a goat mouthed hoe.

I wanted to write something witty about apples, but as of 3 hours ago, I am not giving a fuck about apples because the art drama is over & I got my shit back tonight! I am so relieved that there was no drama & my twenty-mutha-fuckin’-dollars were enclosed! And best of all, I do not have to deal with that damned 36th district civil court!!!

In other good news, The Yellow Toothed Mummy got his ass clobbered by “That One” in the debate last night. This 2nd debate was so much juicier than the last one big time.

I am dying to see who The Mummy is going to try to spin his defeat last night. And what will his pussy puppet say now?

That republican ticket is the most desperate & pathetic thing I have ever seen. Will they start talking about his white momma next???

On a so/so news level, the “House Wives of Atlanta” started tonight on Bravo & it is a hot ghetto mess. Just when I thought the “House Wives” franchise could get no worse, it did. The wives are all so common & seem to not have come from shit, then blew up. I guess this is typical when you are dealing with people from the hood that grew up eating their cornflakes with water.

Speaking of not having milk, I don’t know what it is about NeNe but something special about her makes me thirsty for a tall glass of milk.

On a totally schizophrenic note & before I hit the sack, if you are into sexy new age jazz, love the piano I highly suggest checking out the Esbjörn Svensson Trio’s latest album “E.S.T Leucocyte”! It’s hot & great studio/office music. Also great when coupled with a 3 cocktail buzz on a Thursday night (I love Thursdays).

Back to apples kinda; If you hate apples, don’t click here.

I remember when I first moved to Detroit from Birmingham in the late 70′s how I used to always want to go to the kiddie disco but my mom would always say no.

After seeing the video below, if my kids ever stepped to me asking to go to the kiddie disco, I may jump off.

As usual, when I see fucked up shit that kids are doing, I would ask where are the parents but it is clear to see that the parents are somewhere fucking. It is such a shame that these kids have obviously seen there momma fucking on the couch.

Such a shame, such a shame. And the fucked up part is that an adult was filming this shit adults were in the background cheering on them future welfare recipients & baller thugs.

More questions than answers leaves me fucked up but still I must ask.

• Why come Morgan Freeman was driving down a dark road with a jump off companion the other day, ain’t he married. I think he was getting a little head & lost control, literally?
• Why come the “Housewives of Atlanta” is going to be a hot ghetto mess but I’m gonna watch?
• Why come the Windsor Ontario border agents look like inbreed hillbillies from Tennessee? And why do they search me every time I cross the border?
• Why come Mary Woodson threw grits on Al Green instead of oatmeal?
• Why come summer can’t last until the end of Sept or at least until my birthday?
• Why come I farted in the bed the other day while sleeping with the covers over my head? It was one hot dutch oven!
• Why come we don’t have flying cars like on the “Jetson’s” like we are supposed to?
• Why come Olympic athletes continue to dope up? And why come they have not figured out that cheaters never win and have not learned from Marion Jones?
• Why come my momma hung up in my face today after she asked me to pray for her & I told her no? I said it nicely…
• Why come “You Know You Dead Azz Wrong” is my new most favoritest blog? Thx for putting me up on it Invisible Woman!
• Why come I found a whole decaying fish in my backyard yesterday?
• Why come Les Nubians ain’t out with a new album yet?
• Why come people believe that the missing little precious white girl in FL is still alive? She’s dead HELLO & her trifling ass momma did it!!!!!
• Why come I love watching Nancy Grace on CNN? I hate her voice, I hate her expressions but I love her drama & how she is not afraid to go there. I guess I just answered my own damn question.
• Why come I am mad as hell that Carolyn Cheeks-Kilpatrick won the Democratic 13 US congressional nomination & I don’t live anywhere near the 14th district? And why come Detroit likes to keep these fools in office, do they not realize that Detroit is becoming a 3rd world country within the US?

I have a lot of ideas in my head that I need to write out but I seem to have writitus now & I found questions easier to spill out.  Indulge me if you will… 

• Why come “Lucy Pearl” broke up? I loved them so & need another release.
• What come Congress is apologizing for slavery & Jim Crow now & what does it really mean for those of us who are “Black in America”? And does the timing have anything to do with Barack Obama? And what about my damn reparation bitch?
• Why come my 30” High Definition Mac monitor is off the mutha fucking hook?
• Why come one in every two Negroes choose to have unsafe sex, which led to them getting HIV/AIDS? And can we make them get a tattoo on there forehead that says “you don’t want none of this” since they seem to not tell anyone? And finally why is this such big news now? And finally one mo gin’, why can’t people just masturbate instead of spreading the hot mess to others?
• Why did I get all sad when I learned that Estelle Getty died last week?
• Why come guys in the DC area wearing pixie pants aka bitch jeans aka skinny jeans?
• Why come I’m so fucking excited to be going to Toronto for a long lovers getaway this weekend?
• Why come John McCain is blaming high gas prices on Barack Obama?
• Why come Congresstrick Congresswoman Carolyn Cheeks-Kilpatrick give up her braids for those hideous wigs? IS it becuase she is trying to soften her image inthe midst of her stupid assed son’s various Detroit scandals?
• Why come no one called me this morning and offered me the photographic opportunity of a lifetime.
• Why come the stall at work out of tissue yesterday & I did not realize until I was finished taking a major dump after some Taco Bell?
• Why come XM Radio took my station XM80 “the Move” off the air?  I’m pissed!!!
• Why come I get chills when I listen to Nina Simone’s “I Love You Porgy”?  
• Why come my kids insist that the know what ghetto means?

School Sucks – My blogging is sucking as of late because of time constraints, I am left to do updates, so bare with me for a few weeks as I struggle in this damn statistics class, which I am failing as we speak.

I took the first test this past Monday & got a 50% on that bitch. I am not giving up though! If I have to take it again, at least I will have a leg up. Stay tuned!!!

My New Whip – Last week before the trip to NYC, I picked up my new car & got rid of my gas guzzling SUV. I did not get the Prius like I wanted because of the jacked trade-in drama (poor me)! I winded up getting the Saturn Aura XE, which I liked from a far, I just wanted a hybrid. . I got a great deal on the car, 2000 cash incentive, GM discount & the have me 10k for my car (Toyota tried to give me 8k).

After riding high for the last 6 years, I’m getting used to riding lower but I keep bumping my head when I get in & out. The ride is very nice & super quite & ooooooooooooo, that new car smell is sexy enough to make me juice my draws.

Like most guys, I don’t like to read instruction manuals, which means that I am still figuring out shit. Today I saw that I had lumbar support & automatic seats, this discovery made me smile.

One thing that I’m really loving on the car is the XM radio that it came with. I discovered a really nice jazz station “Watercolors” & “The Move”, which is a nice house station. My kids are digging the Disney station but it gives me a headache.

I Love Getting Packages – Who says money cannot buy you friends? For 460 bucks, my new Nikkon 50mm f/1.2 lens will be my friend for life! He arrived straight from Japan just at just the right moment yesterday & we have been having some fun. This new friend will take some getting used to because he is a manual old school lens.

I meet this young guy in NYC last week and he had one on his camera & I asked to see it & he was like sure it I let him play with my 85mm f/1.8. We swapped for about 30 minutes & I knew I had to have a 50mm f/1.2 for myself. This lens is starting to get hard to find in the US especially new. Stayed tuned for some kick ass night shots taken with this bad boy.

Politricks – Yesterday, when I was walking out of my office, my cell rung & it was from some weird number but I still answered. It was a woman from the Obama campaign calling to tell me that they just opened up a campaign office in my area & she wanted to know if I would be interested in volunteering. Like a fool, I said yes, with excitement, like it was him asking me himself.

I go for the orientation next week, & I told her up front that I am not doing the door-to-door thing. Since I am all ready pimped out for time, I will be limiting myself to helping out to 2-3 times per month. Yes, I am caught up in an Obamafied state, but a brother has to watch his time budget.

Speaking of Obama, I ordered some campaign buttons 2 weeks ago & my shit better show up this week or I’m jumping the fuck off!

So today Ralph Nader put his foot in his “white speaking” mouth & said “… I haven’t heard him have a strong crackdown on economic exploitation in the ghettos. Payday loans, predatory lending, asbestos, lead. What’s keeping him from doing that? Is it because he wants to talk white? He doesn’t want to appear like Jesse Jackson? We’ll see all that play out in the next few months and if he gets elected afterwards…”

Honestly speaking, I feel what Nader is saying, he just said it sooooo very wrong. And from my recollection, he is right, I have not heard anything comprehensive from Obama on these issues, but I also have not heard them from Nader or McCain. Who ever becomes president will have to address issues in the Black community but he will also need to address the nation as a whole. I just know that we will put a lot of stock into Obama to help solve our collective needs but we need to also look at the big picture.

Moving on, last week, while at dinner with blogging buddies, I asked them if they thought Michelle Obama would rock some corn-rows up in the White House if Barack got elected. We all laughed but all said that she would. What do you think?

The question that is circling my mind this week is, if Barack was elected, would he apologize for slavery if the issue came back up from Civil Rights groups or if it was reintroduced in Congress. Actually, if I attend another town hall meeting & have the chance to ask the question, I will ask him myself. It’s not a deal breaker for me but I want to know what he thinks. I would also ask the same question to Turkey Neck McCain. Thoughts???

Other Bullshit News – Is the Supreme Court out of their fucking minds??? 1st, I think capital punishment needs to be in all states because some mutha fuckers just need to be killed for some of the shit that they do; point blank!!! Today, them Supreme Court fools stated that it is unconstitutional to issue the death penalty to anyone convicted of raping a child, assuming that the child is not merked.

What about the child being damaged for life physically & mentally???

If anything tried to lay a hand on one of my daughters, it will be a scene out of John Grisham’s novel “A Time to Kill” jumping off up in this bitch!

Will someone shut Don Imus the fuck up! I listened to his comment a few times over the last few days & his excuse is just not gelling. I think he needs to get dropped off on 29th & Broadway so the “Niggas” that were about to beat my ass have a little talk with him.